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Click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click. With malicious intent she tried to burn holes into the guy’s back, sitting two seats over, who had been clicking his pen now for ten minutes. Click click click. She was nearing the end of her exam and just needed to finish writing out her defense case for a fictitious scenario. Click click click click click click click.
She tried to ignore it. Click click click click click
'Do you mind!' she said outright and angry. All eyes in the room fixed on her -- the clicking ceased.
'Thank you.’ She said it thick with frustrated sarcasm, buttoning the situation. She settled and finished out the exam with enough time to re-read and correct what she thought could be improved upon.
Walking out of the old stone building, as so many had done before, she let herself enjoy the fact that it was over. Another year. One step closer. Though she still stressed about getting her marks, which would come in a few days, she felt good.
She dug her phone out of her bag. Her good feeling evaporated. Still no word from her man, and he was due to land in an hour.
'Where are you?'
She called him, knowing that it would go straight to voice mail.
'Sorry I missed your call, you know what to do' his recorded voice said again. 'Hey! I'm really hoping your phone is just dead and you're okay. I’m done my exams. Call me as soon as you land. I’m coming to pick you up!' she said trying not to sound angry, though it was really starting to bother her a great deal that he hadn't called her. It had been three days since he had called and she, groggy with sleep at the time. They hardly went a day without speaking, even if it was only to let the other know they were all right. She was, in truth, using the anger to prevent other thoughts from worrying her.
She was to be at terminal three for 12:30pm. He usually hired a car to get him home but she wanted to surprise him – she wanted to yell at him and slap him in the face with as much angry longing as her muscles would allow. She needed to know he was alive. She had time, though, and idle minds can be a dangerous thing, especially for her. She had an uncanny ability to undo herself with a few hours of free time to think. The only time she really appreciated or even liked not being busy was with her man. He had an easy way about him when he was relaxing that made her feel as though their doing nothing was so much more, almost as if they were accomplishing something of importance. Why has he still not called? She wanted to ring him again but knew she would only get his voicemail and it would spur her to leave a far more aggravated message. She chose to wait.
It took twenty minutes to get to her car, a Honda crossover they had purchased from a friend who was doing very well in the real estate market and was moving on to bigger and more expensive cars. But it was theirs and it served them well, especially on the many road trips that they had taken.
She drove away from school making her way across town to the Gardiner Express Way westbound, traffic being minimal this time of day, though usually it’s quicker to cut directly through town. She was grateful to be in a car. She rolled down the windows and let the warm spring air flood into the vehicle. She thought about hugging him, consuming him in her embrace, the hustle and rush of the travelers fading away and disappearing so that He and Her were the only two people on earth. A smile flowered on her face.
She hung her arm out of the window, occasionally flattening her hand, turning it into a wing that would fly on its own when it caught by the wind at the right angle. It reminded her of being a kid and driving to Detroit with the whole family in the summer to visit her Rich uncle Frank. That carefree stretch of time when you were unable to quantify summer as days and months, just an endless string of sunshine, laughing and playing that would end one day, so abruptly that it shook your innocent mind - so much so that it wasn’t until you found yourself on a bus, wearing clothes so new, they still smelt of department store even though Mom had washed them - that it hit you. That realization that it would be an eternity of layered outfits, redundant homework and report cards, before you would be able to cast it all away once again for the sun. Though in truth, it never felt quite like the summer past, for you had grown and learnt enough about the real world to affect that innocence.
A classic Beatles song started to play on the radio. She turned up the volume and hummed along. The humming gradually morphed into singing, then singing at top volume. She drove past a bus full of children that all watched as she sang and drummed on the steering wheel. She realized that they were all gawking at her and laughed out loud waving at them in semi-embarrassment. She heard her phone ringing. Her heart stopped. She tried to reach into her purse but it fell to the ground out if reach. 'Shit!'
She aimed the car to the shoulder of the road and broke hard, answering the phone in time to hear the caller hang up. She thumbed to the caller list - Blocked-she couldn't believe it.
She waited beyond impatience for the new message notification to chime. Traffic rushed by just feet from her in her parked car, the occasional commuter
Honked. The phone beeped. She hit the message button and struggled through the recorded notification informing her that she had one new message, received today at eleven forty four A.M.
'We sold the house! And we got way more'- she hung up in a fit of rage and threw the phone into her purse. For the first time, fear in place of worry began to nibble at her heart.
Before she could pull back onto the Gardiner, her cell rang again.
‘Hello!’ she scrambled to get the phone answered and to her ear.
‘How’s my favorite girl!’
‘Luke’ she said, trying not to sound disappointed. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m good. Great actually. Just had a fucking awesome audition!’ Luke could barely contain himself.
‘That’s amazing, Luke’ she congratulated.
‘Yeah, thanks. Hey have you heard from my brother? Mom’s all worried,’ he said, sounding more serious now.
‘No in fact, I haven’t. I keep getting his voicemail’ she said, battling enemy thoughts. ‘But I’m heading to the airport now to pick him up.’
‘Oh you are? That’s great. What time does his flight land?’ Luke asked.
‘Uh…’ the battle distracted her, ’12:30’
‘Listen I’ve got nothing to do today so why don’t I meet you there and if he’s not too jetlagged I’ll take you guys out for lunch.’ Luke sounded excited.
She, on the other hand, did not want to share her man with anyone, but the company in waiting She thought would be a nice distraction, especially with all of Luke’s outrageous stories.
‘That sounds great Luke’, she said earnestly.
‘Right on! I’ll meet you at Arrivals’, said Luke.
‘Okay, call me if you have a hard time finding me,’ she offered.
‘Oh, I’ll find ya’ he joked. ‘I’ll see you in a bit’, Luke finished and hung up.
She hung up as well, sighed and put the car in drive to emerge back onto the highway. When she hit the gas, an eighteen-wheeler barreled by blasting its air horn narrowly missing her.
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'Yeah, Mom I will. Listen I'm running late for an audition so I'll call Her as soon as I finish up here. I love you too, Mom. I'll call you back in a bit. Ok. Bye'
He hung up and walked into the audition house, trying to calm his nerves by going over his lines.
He had gotten into acting on a lark, wanting like his brother to make some extra cash on the side. He never thought it would take off for him the way it had. It started with a gig for Molson Canadian that had turned into the advertising campaign that put them back on top and also made Luke and his face very well known. He couldn't go anywhere in all of Canada without someone saying 'Hey! You’re the Canadian guy! Holy shit! Guys! Look who it is!'
At first it was a blast, a great feeling especially when it got him and his friends past lineups or even out of bar tabs. Because of this instant fame, he began getting constant calls to audition for film and television ultimately playing several reoccurring roles on a slew of shows.
Luke felt it made things awkward for him and his brother, though his brother had never spoke of it, and even encouraged and gave him much advice. Luke still felt the angst of guilt. After all, it was Luke's brother that had gone against his parent’s grain to follow his dream.
When he entered the waiting room, it was packed, which meant the auditions were running late, and that was fine by him. He signed in and said hello to a few fellow actors that he consistently competed with for roles; a very common thing when you have a look that fits a specific type.
Luke however had never fully learned to like the audition process. To him, it felt incredibly unnatural and forced. He had to work, he thought, much more diligently then others at dealing with his nerves. But he played it cool always -even if just below the surface he wanted to run screaming out of the room. And he usually booked the gig.
Today’s audition was for an American film being shot in Toronto, and thanks to the CRTC it would have to be cast with mostly Canadian actors, save the lead roles. Nonetheless it was to be a director/producer session so instead of the usual casting director, reader, camera guy and assistant, there would be an extra four to six people in the room to watch the actors. No pressure at all.
A woman came out through the sound proof double doors of the audition space into the waiting room to collect headshots and resumés from some of the actors. She smiled and winked at Luke as soon as she saw him and he handed over his pic and resume.
His brother had taken the headshot, a flattering photograph that made his eyes pop and seemed to detail his cut facial features.
'Luke, I'll bring you in, in just a moment. I'll introduce you but they're not shaking hands' the woman said. The nerves buzzed now in his chest. The urge to yawn was overwhelming.
'These people don't matter' he thought to himself. 'I'll be the same guy in ten minutes'. The thought relaxed his nerves and the woman returned. 'Luke. They'll see you now'.
The audition space was crowded. Luke had not once in all of his auditions seen a room so filled with people. At least seven producers were introduced, then the director, who Luke recognized from TV interviews, and he had with him two assistants busy on laptops and blackberries. Then the woman introduced him to the reader who was not Jenny, the girl that usually read, but a gorgeous female actress Luke also had seen everywhere, particularly the latest cover of Maxim Magazine.
'They're just people. They eat, sleep and shit just like you do.
Luke greeted everyone and paused for a moment. Without any direction being offered he decided to get right into it.
'So what then am I supposed to do? Huh? This is the same shit as always!' Luke spoke almost a low yell staring deep into the actress' eyes trying to pull anything he could from her. To his surprise she gave it right back.
'This isn't about you, Johnny! It's never been remotely about you!’
'It's about Scagnetti... isn't it?' he asked.
She dropped her eyes momentarily then met his again.
'I don't love you any more, Johnny! I haven't for some time.’ Her voice trembled ever so slightly. Her eyes welled.
Luke’s whole presence morphed. His voice softened.
'You know that's a lie. I know you're only telling me this to protect me because you love me so much. Well I won't accept it. No goddamn way. I'll fix this mess. I'll fix it for you, whatever it takes, no matter how dangerous it gets. But I need to know that you still feel for me the way I do for you'. Luke was fixed on her, really feeling it. The room: dead quiet.
'Johnny... I'm your girl. I'll always be your girl but the thought of losing you is just too much. This is Scagnetti we’re talking about.’ She was crying now.
'Patience, beautiful. I'll take care of Scagnetti'. He said it with pure intent, holding her gaze, his eyes telling her that he really did love her.
'And cut!' the director called out. 'Lovely. Nice work. Thank you.'
Luke thanked everyone and made for the door. He nodded at the actress who grabbed his hand momentarily and mouthed the words 'Thank you'. He smiled at her and left the room.
As was his routine, he went straight to Starbucks for an Americano. Spring in his step and conquering smile on his face he flirted freely with the female Baristas. He wanted to call up some friends, find a patio and laugh the day away, so he called his brother out of habit more than anything.
'Sorry I missed your call. You know what to do'
How could he have forgotten? His mother had called before the audition concerned that no one had heard from him in days. Luke had played it off knowing that his brother often got caught up with his work but to calm her he said he would call his brother’s Girl. Surely she had spoken to him recently.
طفل
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